This entire project is a wormhole born of grief. This is what I have been doing to channel the energy from the loss of a beloved pet, who was my best friend for sixteen years.
This is the dark music I needed to make, the underlying theme of which is time, structure and impermanence. The initial intention was a single, long piece of 12 minutes but it quickly turned into a much larger, longer and more complicated monster.
It’s been fraught with both artistic and technical difficulties at each and every step of the way and that’s perfectly fine with me, because every moment I’ve spent lost in this maze is a moment that I wasn’t keenly aware of a painful absence.
The music is heavy, dark and often angry. I’m not really a bass player but since I’m doing this by myself, I do the best I can with the bass lines.
The main guitar riff of the song is the only part that is rehearsed. The rest is all improvisation. I make multiple passes at the entire form and then string together the best parts of each one. As of right now, there are at least three pieces to this work; we’ll see how it goes.
Everything crumbles, fails and breaks All of it in shambles, all in due time Crushing, the endless slew of heartbreaks Before that long nap we take in the lime
One plan works out and we give many thanks Success, daring us to dream more grand Shedding tears, when another one tanks, Going not-at-all how we’d imagined or planned
Through all of the ups, downs and plateaus At the end of each, long, tired day There’s some place that each of us goes Where to rest, our heads down, we do lay
Some sleep in luxury, like kings and queens Lovers in silk sheets, fathers and mothers With children nearby, in comfortable means Dreaming of futures, brighter than others’
Those on whom fortune never gives a call More than just some, a much larger number In hovels, which are hardly homes at all In cars, shelters or alleys, they slumber
Each type faces their own, unique struggles Days, a mix of good and bad, one discovers Either one goes down easier with snuggles With a little love, one more quickly recovers
Turbulent, these unplanned ups and downs Coming home, victorious or beaten by the fight Smiles are always more welcome than frowns But not everyone thinks you’re such a delight
People are critters possessed of great capacity For cruelty, murder, greed and deceit But a dog is a true friend and lacks the ability To ignore you, to lie, betray or mistreat
A puppy is always ecstatic to see you When you’re gone for minutes or many an hour And there’s very few things one can do To cause their opinion of their master to sour
Get yourself a dog and to it, commit Good food and walks, like clockwork Never hit it or neglect, the least little bit Remember well that dogs don’t speak Jerk
Every day, that dog, you have to be earning Their kindness, something we don’t deserve Train yourself, lots and lots of learning How a happy, healthy dog, to preserve
Get your lazy butt up, take it on a walk Read everything you can find about training Give it routine and real love, not just talk When they misbehave, your anger, restraining
Don’t try to reason with a dog, silly human Learn their language, don’t angrily assume… It doesn’t speak English, you have to illumine You have to be the adult in the room
Pay no attention when they do naughty stuff Lavish them with praise whenever they do right Patiently teach them, never yell or be gruff And you’ll know in the end, it was right
Because days… you’re going to have all kinds Tragedies and celebrations, galore Friends come and go and lovers lose their minds But a dog will adore you now and evermore
Where we humans go, when our lights go out Is a thing that we hotly debate and discuss But all dogs go to heaven, without any doubt Because dogs are far better people than us
Grief possesses no blueprints There is no schematic For how to remember Or to forget
While walking the gray path of All the scattered leaves and ash Of what was
There is no rhythm To which you might match your steps
No beat To keep time
There is only the labored, Slouching forward, Whenever one’s strength allows; Coming and going as it does, In sloppy, uneven, hot flashes
There is no wrong way to lament
There is no proper sequence For when to laugh, To cry or to sleep
There is no cutout pattern For your sack cloth
No clock chimes, Letting you know that it is now time To rend your garments, To rub dirt in your hair
Anyway, time itself is mourning, Right alongside you
Put your ear to the clock, Listen closely… You will hear it quietly sobbing
But time is only an illusion And being an illusion, It can only mean that…
Time… Is nothing more Than you
So, like you, time is Absolutely beside itself with sadness
All formalities have fallen by the wayside
It flops, impotently, like a fish One that miscalculated its angle, On the jump for a mosquito; It has now managed to strand itself, On a parcel of ground
No idea which way it should Violently spasm, That it might get back Into the good, wet stuff
Time grieves with you, Throttling too quickly In this
Grinding clumsily along In that
Fortunately, Since time is nothing… Nothing more than you… It is always the Perfect time to do Whatsoever your Stunned spirit Feels like doing
Sleep Or do not
Eat Or wait for a while
Wail Or be silent
Work Or linger in lethargic stupor
Laugh Or find joy in nothing
Do whatever is best Or worst
And the rest will wait
There is no hurry
For, in the end, There is nothing That we can do For the dead
Special thanks to the following people for providing the video footage and photos. If you enjoyed the visual aspects of the video, the credit is all theirs.
in the sixties and seventies, everyone went over the top
musicians wore outlandish costumes and behaved as if they were invincible
sometimes, they believed it
but mostly, it was because they had seen through the facade of the system
they did lots of psychedelic drugs which taught them that everything… and yes, i do mean… everything… is utterly ridiculous
there’s literally nothing you can say, think, feel, believe, wear or do that isn’t… just plain silly
rather than take ourselves seriously, why not revel and delight in the temporal, inane shenanigans that are our lives…
ourselves
these days, everyone is up their own asses, again
everyone is busy, twenty-four-seven, trying to convince everyone else that they’re the coolest, that they’ve got it all figured out
“if you’re into disco, you’re not cool, because disco was silly and they just thought it was cool, before everyone knew better”
or
“if you’re into _______, then you’re not cool, because ________.”
put whatever you want in there, classic rock, polka, country, surf music… whatever
someone is going to be actually offended that you like it
“if you’re into that, then you’re not cool, because that’s not what i’m doing and i’m pretty much the only one who’s doing what’s cool.”
it only tells us how terrified you are of our opinions of you
and that’s really the only thing that sets you apart as being truly ridiculous
it’s the not knowing that you’re ridiculous
that not knowing is what makes you comical, farcical
acting cool is cool but believing you’re cool… well, that just makes you kitschy instead of campy
but if you start right out of the gate, convinced that everything about you and what you’re doing is utterly ridiculous, with the intention of milking that silliness for everything it’s worth…
then it’s not ridiculous at all, however ridiculous it is
and it is
for the love of god, please stop trying to convince us that you’re cool and that what other people are doing isn’t
it only makes you into a sad caricature, a parody
you see, we really don’t care what you do, as long as you do it with all of your heart and soul
put on a ten gallon hat deck yourself out in wild makeup wear a smoking jacket sing out of key… in pig latin play bongos while tap dancing do the tango to speed metal dress in leather and do opera dress in drag and do gangsta rap wear a suit and tie while you sing outlaw country music
just know beyond any shadow of doubt, that before, during and after…
having stepped briefly outside for the dogs to tend their needs, between pockets of rain, buckets of it, steadily dropping, now halted for a short while; a temporary ceasefire, however tenuous
everything damp the cows, they look like cardboard cutouts, propped up in the fields
an air of patience leans in, whispering to me “the world will wait for you. it will wait.”
it’s an enticing thought, though, steeped in bitter lies, it most certainly is
the world waits for no one
the world gives not a single, used damn for you
not for your upper respiratory infection not for your needing to heal, before you can move on and finish up all those projects
the world thinks nothing of burying your carcass in its garden
you’ll make good fertilizer for its flowers, it does care about those; far, far more than it does about you, at any rate
lots of useful minerals and nutrients in a decaying human body; should produce some prize petunias
but all this relaxed barometric pressure the gentle, lilting fog, the peaceful quiet, the slow, calm meandering of the dogs and these fake cows
today, it all conspires
enveloping me in pleasant, wistful fictions, treating me as its mushroom, kept in the dark of convalescence and fed the manure of untruth
back inside, now the humidifier is gurgling its gentle truths i dive into the recesses of its deep end swimming in the mists of vapor, hints of rosemary, clove, camphor and the other, colorful fish who lurk in its dark ocean
i take leisurely swims in the splintering, fingering streams of the internet and all its watery amusements it too, tells me wonderfully entertaining lies, everything i want to hear and more
but i know better… about the world and the possibility of it patiently waiting
i know how it will steamroll right over the slow, the weak, the poor, the infirm, the drowning;
those who are drowning in debt, drowning in heartbreak, drowning in their own lungs
the world is all too happy to step on their heads, with its heavy boots and its callous lack of caring
it cares not for your concerns of convenience
i know of the world, how it is how it always will be
i know of the world
i know that, at least for now, i will stay here, in this little, comfortable blindspot, a nook, a cranny which the world has somehow overlooked, somehow erroneously missed
the world be dammed
if you ask me, it has gotten its own way for far too long
Kevin Trent Boswell 